Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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