I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
