How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
