Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize