just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
