Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
