I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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