if you like me you must not know who I am
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
