I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
