I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
