I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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