walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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