Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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