Plan B is the new Plan A
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
