I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
