I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
