He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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