Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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