Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
