If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
