I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
