When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
