I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
