you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
