I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
