when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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