Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
