I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
