Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
