I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
