Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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