party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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