Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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