I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
