she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
