I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
