Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
