stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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