theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
