All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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