Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
