I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize