I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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