How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
