I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
