Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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