just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
