I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
