I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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