we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
