Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
