i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
