I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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