She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
