Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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