Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
