you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
