I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize