Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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