I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
