I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
