**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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