there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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