his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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