I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
