I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
