So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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