somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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