he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
