Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize