why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
