This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
